Drop-off point
WHAT now for Humza Yousaf?
His political future is strikingly similar to the trousers worn by a chubby chap who forgets to wear a belt.
Gravity has worked its magic, and everything is collapsing round the ankles.
It’s often remarked that all political careers end in failure. Though Humza’s severest critics claim he also had a large dollop of failure at the beginning and middle.
Thankfully there’s no chance of the Diary Editor being ejected from office.
Only because he hasn’t been near the office in years, preferring to execute his duties from a nearby pub.
Diary underlings march over to his place of work several times a day to hand-deliver copy to be scrutinised.
It’s later collected, covered in cigarette ash and beer stains, along with the occasional helpful comment scrawled in the margins, such as: “Urgent! More ciggies needed. Also bring Wotsits. I’m not paying for food in this pricey joint.”
Perhaps one day our editor will quit his taxing duties and become First Minister of Scotland.
He certainly has many of the talents required, such as industry, aptitude and excellent communication skills.
Until that day arrives, he continues to provide readers with terrific tales, including the following classic yarns from our archives…
Suitable comeback
A TALE from the shipyards.
A cousin of a Diary reader was a boilermaker in Kvaerner shipyard in Govan.
One day he and his foreman were strolling across the yard when they were accosted by a large Norwegian manager, who said: “Can’t you walk any faster?”
“Look pal,” replied the foreman, “this is a biler suit am wearing, no a tracksuit.”
Cinematic solution
ANOTHER memory from Scotia’s industrial glory days.
A Johnstone reader, clearly a movie fan, went to a union meeting in the 1970s, where he asked a pal what he thought the outcome would be.
“It’ll be Quo Vadis as usual,” he replied.
Our reader inquired if he meant "status quo" rather than "quo vadis".
The pal explained that he meant exactly what he said, because the workers would be, “thrown to the lions again.”
Decade’s delay
A GLASGOW lawyer told us that a recidivist appearing at a Justice of the Peace Court for a drink-related crime was told by the exasperated JP that the accused had been appearing before him for the past 10 years.
The accused merely replied: “It’s not my fault you can’t get promoted.”
Road to ruin?
WE blame all those dodgy daytime television adverts, but a police officer swears to us he attended a road traffic accident where the driver was still in the vehicle.
“Are you seriously hurt?” the police officer inquired.
“How would I know,” the driver replied. “I’m not a lawyer.”
Space case
“NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens,” claimed a reader. “They're calling it the Apollo G.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here